Friday, December 13, 2013

Sometimes Christmas is hard

I look at my last post-so hopeful that things would work out.

They didn't

Sometimes things just don't go the way we hope they would. I can't share many details because it is no longer my story to tell. Our attempt to bring in a teenage family member into our home did not go well. Teenagers are hard-and they don't always want the same things we do.

It has been about 3 weeks now-almost a month. I realize that I am pretty depressed. I have been for a while. Since all of this started really.

I don't mean a little blue. I mean lay in bed watching law and order reruns all day eating junk food kind of depressed.

Christmas is only making harder. those sappy commercials make me want to cry-not a few tears-total breaking down heaving sobs.

So many things weigh on me right now-I am really trying to find a way out of this funk. I hate it-it makes me feel pathetic-and cranky.

I need to be there for the kids-they need to heal and understand what has gone on.

The past few days I 've been making myself a list of things to get done. A bare minimum list-but its something.

For the moment I'm trying to provide a nice holiday season for the boys while inside I long for the winter after the holidays-that long stretch of quiet where nobody expects you to be cheerful-full of holiday spirit.

So-my fellow mamas out there who are struggling with all the falalalala--good luck to you this season. May you not melt into tears at an inopportune time-may
you relatives be somewhat tolerable. Be good to yourself-and eat all the cookies you want.

Monday, October 14, 2013

a new season

Life often brings unexpected changes.

Seven years ago life surprised us  with the arrival of our youngest son.

We were able to wrap our heads around it and eventually our life changed to include this new family member and now we can't imagine it any other way.

Now we have a new change.

Two months ago we added a new member to our household. My husband's 14 year old grandson. This one has been a little harder for me to adjust to.

Two months in and I am still adjusting. The whole family is still trying to figure out how this new person fits in.

I know he must feel the same way.

He has been a part of our lives since he was a baby-weekend visits once a month or so. Raised in a different household with different rules and a different view of the world.

I know he must feel like an outsider sometimes-sometimes I feel the same way. Longing for a moment with just my kids.

I want him to be able to feel he has a home-but we struggle. it has only been two months.

beyond that honeymoon period where everyone is on their best behavior-but not quite to the point where we have been able to get used to the changes.

We will be facing the challenges of providing holidays. Already feeling the stretch of feeding another teenage boy-clothing him.
He is in public school. That alone has taken a while for me to adjust to. Waking every morning fixing a warm meal and dispensing medication before sending him of to catch the bus.

I am sure at some point this will all feel like second nature to me. Right now I struggle with resentment toward his parents who seem to hold little regard for the gift of parenthood.

I struggle to not let that resentment spill over toward this child who just wants to be a part of our family. Who wants to feel the love he sees our children have received.

I work every day to encourage my heart to include him-to feel compassion despite the rolling eyes and teenage attitude that sometimes permeates his being.

Time will bring us all together. Someday we will not be able to imagine it any other way.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

back around again

Why hello there abandoned blog--how have you been?
Why have I ignored you so?
Well there are these children,and the dog,three cats(and three kittens)
two rabbits
a weedy garden
and a 1200 square foot house
that always seem to need me

but I need you-dear blog-I need to tap away at the keys and share those parts of me that don't get to come out very much.
I guess I could go make some new friends-but that seems like an awful lot of work.

I actually have another blog-it was meant to be a place to share the new things in my etsy store.
I will link the two together here at some point.

but not today.
just stopping into say hello.

now I must go clean, organize, feed, educate, and read ALL the things.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

What does your homeschool look like?

I have quite a few homeschool friends. We are all very different in our approach.

Unschooling, classical educators, strict schedules, loose schedule, no schedule, Charlotte mason--and the list goes on and on

We have been many of the things on the list depending on the season. We started out the year pretty intense and now, for the second half of the year we are slowing down and enjoying it a bit more.

I have switched out a few of our textbooks with handbooks and regular books.

One of the most delightful additions to our day is the book "The transitive Vampire" A grammar book that revolves around things my middle schooler finds entertaining. It is not a textbook-instead it is a grammar handbook. We are just taking a section a day and reviewing the parts of speech.

Gone are the odd readers that help reinforce specific reading concepts for the first grader. I pulled out our little bear books and he is enjoying reading familiar stories instead of the stilted speech of the primary readers.

For now school happens in the afternoon-after lunch. I have been working from home in the mornings. Growing my own little business. I need it-something to call my own. A grown up activity.

so what do your days look like? what season of homeschooling are you in?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

fall approaches

I know that a lot of people feel energized by the summer weather. I am quite the opposite. I become a sloth in the heat and sparkle of summer.

I sit by the water. I float in the water. If there is no water I hide from the heat. It gets HOT in the summer around here.

I'm fine in June-but by the time August rolls around I have lost my tan and my plants are dried out and dying.

A down graded tropical storm Lee has brought a sharp turn towards fall around here.

last week it was 100 degrees. Really.

For the past 3 days it has been in the lower 60's
and it has been RAINING. Some areas have had flooding. We have not.
Our poor dried out garden is getting a good soaking.

I can tell fall is coming. It has brought out my nesting earth mother self. There are things to be done before winter. Pajamas to be made and coats to find. A final decision about trying to can anything this year needs to be made. I am debating hitting the farmers market for tomatoes. End of the season seconds can be bought and canned-but like RIGHT NOW! So I have to decide.
Everything needs a good scrub before the windows are shut and we are left with stale winter air.Dog house needs cleaned and moved closer to the house. It is actually for the cats who hate to come inside except on the coldest nights.

That DaD needs all of his stuff gone through and organized. The magic clothes fairy needs to purchase some new fall gear-somehow she seems to have missed him the past few seasons.

It won't stay in the 60's here. By the end of the week we will be back in the upper 70's. We may even have a bit of really hot weather left before the cold settles in. Time to get busy :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

focusing our homeschool goals

We our in our 11th year of homeschooling.

I started out doing "school at home". Being unsure and new to the game I just did what the public school did. That did not make for a happy year.

I started researching and found curriculum that worked better for us. Over time I settled on Oak meadow as our primary curriculum.

This year I had a bit of an epiphany. I started asking myself what kind of school we wanted to be.
I want my kids to have a strong academic foundation-but I want them to have a strong LIFE background too.
I want arts and music and nature--in other words I want it all.

How can you fit these things in? Well-I hope if you keep reading it is not because you want an answer. I haven't figured it out yet.

I am starting small. We have guitar classes and jam band--that is music for the middle son. The youngest boy is taking ballet this year and some very beginning violin.

I am trying to figure out some other things though. Adding in things like hikes on local trails in the fall and spring-we are using to locate letterboxes along the trails.
Symphony in the winter when it is to cold for outdoor activities. We have a great symphony in Nashville that offers a lot of free performances for students.

I purchased drawing pads for each of us and we are spending some time in the mornings drawing at the table-together. This has started out a little awkward-always trying to think of what to draw. I can already tell that it is getting easier for all of us the more we repeat this activity.

We are taking history a bit slower too-taking time to complete each project laid out in the Oak Meadow ancient history curriculum. The 6th grade curriculum covers ancient history from the stone age up to the explorers in one year-we may take two years to finish it. I WANT to take the time to really cover each time period so we plan to take 2 weeks on each lesson when needed. Taking the time to really do the activities that help make history more interesting.

I want our school to be a progressive model-with a lot of hands on experience that my kids can see as relevant and worth remembering. Still struggling a bit with the actual implementation-but I am getting there.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

I don't care if you breastfeed...

Dear new mom-I am sorry you must go through your day worrying about judgement while feeding your baby.

from a bottle.

I have 3 children. Two were breastfed. One was not.
I am glad I breast fed my youngest two. That was my first option for my oldest-but it did not happen.
I don't feel the least bit guilty about it though. Life is hard enough without that kind of baggage. There are women out there who want you to carry that burden of guilt around with you.

I cringe when hearing rants or reading forum posts by militant brestfeeding mothers. I participate in a natural parenting forum and some of the moms really get so lost in their judgements that they forget the boobs in uestion are attached to a person-with feelings-and a life-THAT YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT. They mention verbally snarking at complete strangers who are bottle feeding in public. Or throwing dirty looks-or just saving until they can get home and judge others online.

I was an extended breast feeding mom-as long as they wanted-on demand-blah blah blah.
Even in the midst of my own nursing bliss I could not find it in myself to judge another mother's decision.
The most important thing in a baby's life is a HAPPY mother. A consistant, caring mother who can get through the day without collapsing in a sobbing heap. If that means being able to take medications, or just having your body back to yourself after pregnancy then so be it.

My only bottle feeding stipulations are that you should hold your baby while feeding him/her.
If you cannot hold your baby then do not prop up the bottle.
Another person should feed the baby. It needs to be a person who is old enough to say things like "Wow! I have never seen the baby turn blue like that!" or "hey-should the milk be just pouring out of the bottle like that?"

Of course you are under no obligation to listen to me-but bottles are not boobies and they don't always work like they should. boobies don't always work like they should either-so I guess you should always try to remember that too :)

while I am pontificating-let me add--I ALSO DO NOT CARE IF YOU CIRCUMCISE YOUR BOY> nobody on the Internet should know this about your child. Would you want your son sharing the state of your Vag with other people over the Internet? I think not.